Vulnerability
“A bird in a nest is secure, but that is not why God gave it wings.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo
© I have had writer’s block recently as I have been struggling with the concept of which aspects of my life I should convey and how to accurately relay my thoughts in a public manner. I have noticed that the basis of this uncertainty is the fear of being vulnerable. I tend to be consumed with the worry of how to go about my inability to express myself freely. You see, my trust has been betrayed many times and I take the concept of loyalty seriously. I have never been one to engage in friendships without a strong sense of trust. Of course, I have found it inevitable that I will be friends with individuals whom I can’t entirely trust. This society has been constructed in a way that enables “friends” to take advantage of vulnerable moments in particular circumstances. This is heightened in the glorified notion of being the “Regina George” in one’s school. What happened to glorifying the concept of spreading love and kindness, and therefore, the idea of a safe environment in which one can feel like it is okay to be vulnerable?
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23
This bible quote resonates with me due to the forewarning of acknowledging the reality that one must pay close attention to the heart and protect it from harm. I was confused by my interpretation of this quote because it seems to entail the opposite of vulnerability. When I ruminated upon this concept with further thought, I began to the acknowledge the importance of balance. At times, I close myself off from engaging with others thus begin to live in a bubble constrained from the possibility of relaying my strengths or weaknesses, thus leaving little ability for me to make a difference. When I am overwhelmingly consumed in being open to the world with all of my thoughts that others absorb due to their need a sense of reconciliation or comfort in resonating with another individual, I begin to be swallowed whole by the greedy and hurtful people who reside in my surroundings. And then I did further research, and I came across this quote:
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – Second Corinthians 12:9-10
In this quote, I noticed the willingness for Paul to truly give up any fears and wholeheartedly rely on God’s ability to work through him. While I feel the importance of keeping personal matters private, I am hoping to become more like Paul and strengthen my trust in God’s power and, therefore, be willing to publicly relay my internal struggles in attempts to make a difference. For I am learning to balance my usual sense of privacy with an increased sense of vulnerability in efforts to fulfill the ultimate purpose of allowing the Lord to work through me.
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. – Philippians 2:13
In conclusion, let your loving words blossom so that through the darkness of your tribulations, you will be able to provide comfort for those who share similar struggles. Let your wings spread into the vast notion of vulnerability as you fly into a new season of growth.
Blessings,
Kiki
© Kiki Mueller 2017
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