© I woke up this morning to a puppy pouncing through my room. Despite some morning nibbles, due to teething, she has come a long way. Training a dog is a lot of hard work and, my attempts to help reach nothing close to the amount of work my mother puts into creating a fantastic critter is astonishing. This little puppy was obtained at eight weeks with wide eyes and a set of some gnarly teeth to come. She could be connected to a fighter…both of them. Like mother, like daughter, I presume. Lotus, my dog, wakes up every morning at six, eats, and falls back asleep for a morning nap. She then is in full force play for the next few hours until her next rest. I, for one, am asleep until around 9 or 10. My mother ventures with Lotus throughout the house, patio, outside, etc. Quite frankly, Lotus is making her way around the little world she is slowly becoming accustomed to. A puppy is so full of love, so full of energy and goodness. I love that about her. On the other hand, I have a big, 11-year-old puppy named Gracie. She has always been on the more serious side and truly loves a good car ride and a quality snuggle. She enjoys Norah Jones, bones, and quiet time. Between the two of them, there is an unspoken balance. While one is new to the world with an unwavering excitement and a boatload of energy, the other has become accustomed to her surroundings and takes time to enjoy the little, but so critical moments in one’s life. I am trying to find this balance in my life. I admire the peace that Gracie portrays, but I also adore the energy that Lotus characterizes on a constant basis. I want to run through a field of flowers and not have a care in the world, but I also want to make the most of my empathy for those who are in need of a shoulder to cry on. I go back and forth as I sway between varying emotions, thoughts, and feelings. A bible quote that stood out to me was Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven– A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost…A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
As I reflect on this past year, it closely aligns with this quote. I had moments of birth, new friendships, beginnings, experiences, and moments of death, the ending of friendships, old ways, and disturbing thoughts. I planted seeds of self-love and attempted to uproot the plants of self-doubt. I work on killing the negative thoughts and healing the parts of my soul that need tending. I tore down harmful images, beliefs, and blockages, and simultaneously worked on building up new perceptions and expectations. Like a cloud blocks the sun, I have begun to remove the clouds of self-pity and misery. I embrace the silver linings and shun the negative perspectives of myself as well as others. I am starting to search for myself while giving up as lost the old ways that have inhibited growth. I learned the importance of silence but also found great peace in standing up for oneself. I love, and I hate. I feel a war in my heart, but other time I feel peace.
I have learned so much. I have grown. I have so much more to learn and so much to reflect upon as this year comes to a closing. Another chapter in my life has ended while a new section is about to begin. Over the course of this month, I will use my time away from school to think of all that has happened, to write out my thoughts buried deep within me and to give meaning to the past 12 months of my life. I hope to speak His truth, to find a more profound sense of peace within me while accepting those moments of trouble within me. BALANCE is my focus as I progress into 2018. To sincerely and willingly implement the lessons I have learned will be the real test. There were tears of joy and sorrow, moments of bliss and misery but within each moment I aspire to GROW. I am beyond blessed for all that is in my life, and I am hopeful that I will find the silver linings and fill my heart with love songs so that I can share God’s melody with you! Maybe, just maybe, through Him, I can help contribute to your song as this upcoming year progresses! Blessings! Xoxo
© Kiki Mueller 2017
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