© Today I woke up looking forward to being surrounded by yellow sunflowers and the golden light of a setting sun. I drove up to a field of sunflowers in the midst of country roads with a heart ready to receive the light and positivity with a welcome invite. There is one difference between the usual elation and this year’s emotional state. The change was not the happiness that I noticed but, more so, the harsh contrast between my recent reality and this specific moment. I felt clarity and I felt alive.
Lately, I have immersed myself in any method of distraction to avoid vulnerability with myself and with others. I have found myself, not emotionally hardened, but blocking my emotions through strenuous occupation amongst school or any constant urge to progress. I had initially planned on taking the Summer off this year as I have had a rough past few months dealing with harsh realities of loss. Instead, I persevered and I am in the process of taking the remaining classes in order to obtain my Associates Degree in Psychology. I have become so focused on my future and success that I have been desperately craving REST.
It is not in me to find time for peace. I constantly desire progression and I do not like the thought of going through a day without immense accomplishments as carefully noted on a mental, and written, to-do list. I tend to avoid God’s reminder to “Be still and know” and maybe this is why I constantly refer to this quote; it is a gentle reminder to rejuvenate my body and soul. I need to set my priorities straight. I need to allow myself to fully immerse my soul into the present moment. I need to take a break from school and find peace in living and embracing all of God’s beauty. To run amongst the wildflowers and breathe fresh air, to take day trips to the beach and drive on a back road’s filled with trees and creatures of love and; most importantly, make time for my mental well–being. It is said that you can not pour from an empty cup and, conversely, you can not help others if you have not helped yourself.
This being said, one cannot truly know their purpose and, therefore, goals by stunting their ability to grow by delaying their ability to reflect. We are caught in a world so focused on doing but so unappreciative of thinking and the great impact that ruminating can have on the actions one takes. The flowers were once in the dark and they needed to rest, and reflect. They pushed through these dark times and, as a result, their roots were strengthened and they appreciated the warmth of the sun giving them strength.
“Perhaps the reason you are drawn to flowers is not only for their outer beauty, but because they remind you: Beautiful things will bloom after the longest seasons of waiting.”
Today, I felt the warmth of the sun. I encountered freedom. This is a reminder to those who are struggling that, in order to thrive, you must REST. I know it is my time to take this seriously and I hope I find the strength to do so. Ultimately, the outcome will lead to me, a blossoming individual feeling warmth among my petals as they emerge one by one.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
~Psalm 46:10
© Kiki Mueller 2018
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