Searching for my soul

Initially, I hesitated to post this. “What if I’m judged?” or “What if it’s too personal?” The reality is there is normality in these emotions and if I withhold my thoughts on the basis of fear, I inhibit the ability for other people to feel understood. So here it goes…

I want to feel free. I want no obligations and no guilt that comes with the constant statements about how horrible you are if you disobey God. I don’t believe this is the way to encourage non-believers to engage in a relationship with a higher being. We all have faults and we should use them as motivation to grow and not a basis for self-hatred. The commonality amongst all religions is to treat others the way you want to be treated. If you are in a constant state of judgment with yourself, you will never be free of judgment towards others. I think this is why the church is notorious for people being hateful. I don’t go to church. I would walk in and all I heard was kids making fun of others or forming cliques so I branched off and I made a blog as a basis for continuing a relationship. I will always believe in God but I struggle to identify with hatred. As I laid on my yoga mat, tears fell from my face as I yearned to understand myself and the many emotions that have arisen as a result of more free time. I want to inspire others to feel free, to treat others with love, and not to equate judgment and speaking the truth as degrading others for sinning differently than you do. I guess, my point is that no one’s perfect and everyone’s struggling with things they don’t talk about. Defer from hate. Spread love because we could all use a little encouragement. I have been using this time to ground myself and find peace in my soul to get a footing on my life and dare to discuss the concerns that hold so many back from internal peace.


16 responses to “Searching for my soul”

  1. ecohorizons Avatar

    Galileo , an italian physicist and astrologer Said :” You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.”
    “The Bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go.”
          I say that Your path is unique and special whether religious or not …Just find your own truth within you from your inner inspiration…
    In-spiration or your God given message communicated with you and through you or within you …
    You have a natural special universal talent that can make a difference even for people living a simple ordinary life …You do not have to compare yourself to anyone …
       Choose your own path …
    Love and light from Lebanon being mentioned in the bible as the land  cedars …

    1. growingthroughsomething Avatar

      Thank you so very much for such a kind and thoughtful message! Blessings!

      1. ecohorizons Avatar

        Best wishes …

  2. Lily Pierce Avatar

    Cliques and gossip are the worst, but they can always be found somewhere in church…or work, or school, etc. I guess it’s one of those inevitable people problems. Ugh! I don’t know why we are so vain and prideful. Even the disciples struggled with that. I relate to wanting to spread love and not be hateful!

    1. growingthroughsomething Avatar

      This is true. I appreciate the love you provide towards others. Keep shining bright! 🙂

  3. emergingfromthedarknight Avatar

    Finding your own path or truth may feel lonely at times but in the end its our soul we must live with and face.. so many take refuge in dogma. its means they don’t have to think for themselves and feel vindicated judging when they don’t even see the true heart of the person or situation judged… I know when I have judged its because I did not have all the facts… keep being honest and true to you and you will find your way..

    1. growingthroughsomething Avatar

      Yes, I have heard of dogma. I appreciate this so very much. You are such a sweet soul! Blessings!

      1. emergingfromthedarknight Avatar

        Aww God bless thank you ♥️🌷♥️

  4. Tina Avatar

    I’m so glad that you felt free to share your thoughts, Kiki. They’re will always be those who judge because we are all at different stages of growth.

    I understand your need, or want to stay away from church, but don’t give up on church entirely. (I am not judging you by the way.) Technically I am currently unchurched, as well, though Andrew and I we’re doing church online before this pandemic.

    I’ve heard the argument about people being hypocrites before.From close friends even. All churches are different. Some are more loving that others, but there will always be people who are imperfect and need some serious growth. Sorry, I could probably ramble on. I get it, but we all need so much grace and mercy. It’s not fun to hear or see people cutting others down. I get why it would make you want to stay away. I just hope that you and I both will find a church community that is abundant in mercy and love. There are definitely benefits to being in a church community, and Scripture tells us not to forsake that meeting together. (Still not judging. I am in the same boat, just different reasons.)

    Sorry, that got long. Keep processing your thoughts, and never be affraid to share. We can encourage and strengthen one another when we do. Your thoughts are very valid and appreciated. Your honesty is wonderful too. <3

    1. growingthroughsomething Avatar

      Hi Tina!
      I appreciate your thoughts. I am not sure what specific biblical quotes you are referencing, but my understanding is that there is an emphasis on connecting oneself in a community of other like-minded individuals. I’ve always emphasized the importance of a RELATIONSHIP with God as opposed to religion. While everyone’s journey is unique, I have found liberation and greater connection with God through other formats. I totally understand the importance of mercy and grace but I feel there is also a need to respect one’s personal needs and find environments where I feel closest to Christ. I understand that individuals have different perspectives on their journey with Christ and that many people find unity and connection at church but, at this point in my life, I have made the choice to follow where I feel God’s love the most. Blessings & thank you for your kindness! <3

      1. Tina Avatar

        We’re definitely on the same page as far as a relationship with God goes as apposed to religion. I grew up in a family that didn’t know God. They found religion, alright, but not God, which makes me a bit protective of the people I care about, so I hope I didn’t offend you with my comment. I just worry about people. I was referring to Hebrews 10:25. The one thing I have noticed from being unchurched is that I really miss the group worship. I don’t know exactly what it is about praising God together, but the commentaries on this subject seem to indicate that this is important. And I have definitely been feeling the need to get back to church.

      2. growingthroughsomething Avatar

        I’m not offended. I just want to clarify. I think that quote could be percieved in many ways when looking at coming together in the name of Christ. This is not always done via church. Many can come together in different ways and do God’s work and inspire one another. I think a common concern is that biblical interpretation can be manipulated and or taken from a societal context creating false expectations and eliciting unwarranted guilt. I think this is why I emphasized the relationship component of my relationship with Christ. I hope this makes sense. 🙂

      3. Tina Avatar

        I totally agree that we can come together in different ways. Even here on WordPress we are working together in the name of Christ. The problem lies in abandoning church for the reason that people or pastors don’t live up to our expectations. As my niece puts it, church is like a hospital. Even Jesus said, it’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. Church is supposed to be a place of support, not guilt. There are definitely churches our there that fail in this regard, but not all.

      4. growingthroughsomething Avatar

        I agree but I have made this choice because it is what works best for me and my relationship with Christ. I think the problem lies in enforcing a set of rules that may blatantly and negatively impact the individual’s well-being without implementing the importance of each person’s unique relationship with Christ. I am allowed to remove myself from situations that negatively impact me. I acknowledge wholeheartedly that no one, including myself, is perfect. It doesn’t have to do with expectations; it has to do with human decency and my ability to serve God in ways that better suit me. This decision is something that I have made peace with. That does not mean I will not engage in the church. It just means I have not found greater connectivity with God in this setting. I hope this doesn’t sound offensive/harsh but I think it is an important topic.

  5. bereavedandbeingasingleparent Avatar

    So with you on this. We each have to follow our own unique path. Judge ourselves not others. x

    1. growingthroughsomething Avatar

      Thank you for understanding! Blessings!

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